Where Life is, Hope is
by jaxx37
Summary: Sequel to Redefining Shakespeare (A Rose). It's two weeks since the trial, Jo and Blair are trying to get their lives back on track and focus on their future together. There are still many issues that have been left unresolved though and they soon discover that, though love conquers all, the path to happily ever after is still paved with inescapable problems. Femslash, Jo/Blair.
1. Setting up the Future

**AN: Hi folks, this story is a sequel to Redefining Shakespeare (A Rose) and so it would probably be best to read RS before this if you want to get a picture of what's happened and how Jo and Blair have gotten to this stage. The story takes place about two weeks after the end of RS, which means it begins in December around two weeks before Christmas, and will follow Jo and Blair as they deal with the consequences of the trial and embark on their newfound romance, that of course means that it's FEMSLASH so if that's not your thing then this story definitely isn't for you.**

**I will apologise in advance to any field hockey players who may read this, it has been a long time since I played and so the descriptions in this chapter (and any in forthcoming chapters) are based upon my own memories of the game/training sessions etc. I was also a goal keeper for most of the time so most of what I know actually comes from that perspective! I reckon the terminology etc. is pretty accurate but as I'm not American there may be a few turns of phrase/expressions that aren't used in the American game. Don't worry if you're not a hockey fan though, it isn't going to be the main focus of the story, it's just a device to show what Jo and Blair's life is like at Langley etc.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show nor the characters I have borrowed from it or indeed the quotes that I use in any form be they from the show or otherwise. The only things I own are the few original characters who come into the story from time to time. This is not for profit but for fun etc. etc.**

**Archiving: Only with permission from the author. (just drop me a line or something and we'll see from there).**

**As usual this is unbeta'd and so any mistakes are my own, I shall fix them as I find them but as always if you see any just let me know and I'll do my best to fix them.**

**Special thanks go out to: Ltlconf (for all of your advice and talking me through the possibilities of this story), PermanentProblem, ILoveXmas and BlindMoose for encouraging me to write this sequel :) **

**...**

**While Life is, Hope is… A Sequel to Redefining Shakespeare (A Rose)**

**…**

'**The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams'**

**Eleanor Roosevelt.**

**…**

**Chapter 1: Setting up the Future**

**...**

It was good to be running again. Jo had already done a full lap of the pitch and was beginning her second, it felt great to be back. Her injuries from the accident, and her fight with Brock Worthington, had finally healed enough for her to be able to get back to some semblance of match fitness. She hadn't managed to play a game yet but she'd been to every training session for the last two weeks and had even been able to sit on the subs bench for the previous Saturday's home game. Today was her chance to show just how ready she was to be back amongst the action, even if it was neither a training session nor a match.

For Jo this was a much more important day.

As she reached the stands for the second time Jo allowed herself to slow down enough to look up towards Blair who smiled and waved to her as she passed, Jo for her part returned the smile and wave before turning and running backwards keeping her eyes on Blair the whole time, much to the amusement of her girlfriend who cheered despite the fact that the brunette was showing off. Blair knew she was showing off just for her and the thought of that made her smile even brighter. Jo bowed cheekily towards the blonde before turning around and running once more into the distance. Oh yeah, it felt good to be back.

It was growing darker more quickly than Jo had expected then again Christmas wasn't too far away. It was freezing too but she didn't notice. Only 3 O'clock and already there was some debate over whether the floodlights should be put on, there was enough daylight in the late afternoon for them to see well enough but that was sure to change very soon. As far as she was concerned though today was too important to worry about small details like temperature or weather, this was an opportunity she would never have again. If she did well today she'd be set for the rest of her time at Langley, sure she'd still have to work to support herself and things wouldn't exactly be easy but they'd be a lot easier than they had been and for Jo that was important. Her father was still supporting her financially but she couldn't be sure how long that would last and to be honest she didn't want to rely on his money. He wasn't prepared to accept her or her relationship with Blair and had made that perfectly clear in the last month. She hadn't seen him since her Babcia's funeral and that was harder to take than she'd ever imagined but she wasn't about to give up on her future with Blair for the sake of her father's prejudices. She wished with all of her heart that he would get back in touch and accept her. She needed him to be the father she loved and missed but she doubted that would ever happen now. Charlie Polniaczek never backed down once his mind was made up and since Jo was just as stubborn, 'pig headed' her Ma called it, she would have to live her life without him. It was harsh but he'd abandoned her once before and she'd managed fine then – she didn't need him and today was her chance to prove it. Besides if she got this second scholarship it would ease the burden on her Ma considerably, she wouldn't need to work three jobs just to send Jo enough money for books and tuition fees. She'd give her Ma her life back.

Jo had been warming up for the better part of half an hour having arrived long before anyone else. The stands were virtually empty – few people were willing to grace the playing fields to watch the trials, especially not on a day that was threatening snow – in fact Blair was one of the few there ready to cheer her on. Jo knew she had a good chance at getting this scholarship, she was one of the strongest players on the team, as soon as she had arrived at Langley she'd been put on the starting line-up for the first XI and she had kept her spot on the team for the last year and a half, but the very fact she had an academic scholarship already might go against her – there were several girls who deserved the opportunity warming up alongside Jo now, players from across New York and beyond ready to give their all in front of the coaches and the scholarship board who were standing beside the pitches, stamping their feet and discussing last minute details. She just wished they would hurry up and start, she hated waiting.

'Alright ladies come on in, we're about ready to begin…' coach Moran called over the noise of a biting wind. Her accent held a slight trace of an Irish lilt inherited from her parents who had moved to New York years before she was born.

There wasn't a moment's hesitation from any player – they all knew Coach Caireann Moran's reputation. She was a formidable coach and an equally formidable player. Even the players from outside of Peekskill knew her by reputation, some of them having been fortunate enough to see her playing in Los Angeles during the bronze medal match against Australia. Jo in particular was a little in awe of this woman who had taught her so much in the time she had been playing for the Langley Lions, a fact that she had been teased about by Blair on more than one occasion since returning to training, not that it was a crush as such, Jo just admired and respected the coach who had helped her to become a better player than she'd ever believed possible. Jo supposed that it was a sign of how strong their relationship had grown in such a short time that Blair was able to tease her in such a way.

'Right you lot, there's a limited number of scholarships and I'm looking to make sure we get the best players for them. It's up to you to prove you're the best. No excuses, you can't stand the pace you don't get a place.' Coach Turner, his English accent still prominent despite living in Peekskill for the last six years addressed the twenty two young women standing before him with easy authority.

Coach Kevin Turner wasn't known for wasting time, he expected the best from his players and that was especially true of those on scholarship. He had been head hunted by the board of Langley in 1979 and worked his way up to Head coach within a short time, he had been one of the assistant coaches for the British Olympic field hockey team and his skills were legendary among the Langley Lions. He could play every single position with confidence and knew how to get the best out of each player. In short he was a coach of considerable experience who commanded respect, a coach who adored the game and a coach who had inspired the Langley Lions to the state championships on more than one occasion.

'Some of you are already players for the Lions first XI' he looked directly at Jo, though even if he hadn't it would have been perfectly obvious to the other girls who he was talking about – she was wearing her Lions training gear - she held his gaze knowing he was warning her against complacency 'but it doesn't mean you're a shoe in for a scholarship. There's a lot of talented players here today so I expect you to show me exactly what you're made of…'

Jo's teammates were also standing at the side of the pitch, ready to help the coaching staff with the trials. One of the major problems faced by any College hockey team was the turnover of players, each season as players graduated it left a void in the team that needed to be filled with sharp, skilled, dedicated players. It was therefore a Langley Lions tradition that players from the first XI helped with the trials for potential scholarship players, it gave them the chance to see the fresh talent for themselves and get an idea of the calibre of the rookie players for the following season. Players who they may find themselves competing against come the new season during the team try outs. Each one of them had volunteered despite their own College commitments; it was always interesting to scope out the new players. Besides, Jo was well liked on the team and they wanted to see her do well. There was always a fear amongst the Lions that Jo would have to drop out of the team to take a second job and that would be a disaster for their chances at the State Championships, they needed a strong team and Jo held the current record for goals scored by a Sweeper in a season, made all the more impressive by the fact that she had achieved that record in her rookie season the previous year.

'OK ladies first up we have a skills test… We have a nice little obstacle course set up; all you have to do is work your way around the course, simple. Michelle here will be timing you, we want to see good stick handling, footwork and importantly speed…' Coach Turner then addressed the two goal keepers who were looking less than thrilled at being asked to run an obstacle course designed for field players. 'Goalies we have something special lined up for you at the other end of the field…'

Jo followed Turner's gaze and could see several of the strikers from the Lions as well as their goal keeper Luisa Collins, who stood proudly between the pipes as each of the strikers settled to take their shot, the familiar set up designed to test the reflexes of the goal keeper as well as their discipline. Luisa was a phenomenal keeper and Jo was certain her performance was designed to unsettle the two young keepers who were hoping to join Langley when they became freshmen.

'Goal Keepers follow Coach Moran please. The rest of you I want you lined up in three sections – defence, midfielders and strikers… we'll take your preferred positions into account when we're timing you… Good luck…'

Coach Turner was running through the skills test with them, he'd actually taken it upon himself to run the obstacle course himself to show just how 'easy' it was. His voice was loud and comforting as he explained each obstacle while he weaved around the course, adding in little nuances to make it look all the more impressive. Jo was suddenly nervous as she settled herself behind the other defenders. She really didn't want to go first, she wanted to size up her competition, to see what she was up against but Coach Turner had other ideas as he returned to the start again.

'Polniaczek, let's start with you shall we?'

So much for sizing up the competition, Jo thought as she jogged towards the start of the obstacle course – a minefield of cones and other obstacles designed to make each player dodge and weave while controlling the ball perfectly before taking a shot on goal, collecting a new ball and completing the circuit. Jo was familiar with the circuit, it was one of Coach Turner's favourite warm ups for the field players. A set up that each player should be familiar with and therefore it kept things on a level. Her team's back-up keeper Jules was standing between the pipes, she too was a formidable goal keeper and truthfully she was only the back-up keeper because she was in her final year at Langley and needed the time to study. Something Luisa Collins readily admitted since the two were such close friends. Jules was an old hand at this kind of thing and had helped at trials on more than one occasion. Michelle, a powerful centre midfielder with the body of a striker, was standing at the first cone, ready to start the timer whenever Jo was ready. Although Jo was nervous the familiarity of it all was comforting.

'Good luck Romeo, you're going to do just fine…'

'Thanks, just wish I wasn't goin first, kinda wanted ta scope out the competition…'

'ROMEO! When you're finished yappin perhaps you'd like to begin?'

Jo flushed a little but managed a laugh; it WAS just like a training session!

'Sorry coach!'

'You know what Romeo's like…'

'I'll get ya fer that one 'chelle.'

Within seconds Jo was off making light work of the cones and domes, weaving in and out of the various hoops that had been lain down as obstacles and showing off her impressive stick handling skills with some creative moves of her own, Coach Turner wasn't the only one who could do a skills test with style. When it came to basic skills Jo was a natural and she knew it. It wasn't long before she was passing the ball to Eleanor 'Nora' Hopkins, another midfielder who was strategically placed to receive a well-placed pass a third of the way through the course, then Jo was hopping through the cross ladder keeping up a gruelling pace as she moved with swift agility ready to receive the pass she knew was coming on her reverse stick, Eleanor was one of the team's most accurate passers but she was also a hard hitter and it took precision timing to stop the ball dead on the reverse in order to flick it up and over the next obstacle before weaving through another set of cones and stopping at the penalty spot to take a shot at goal. It was a sequence made more difficult by the fact the pitch was sand based Astroturf rather than grass, something that took a bit of getting used to for players who were grass specialists since it affected the speed of the ball and the amount of bounce on the stop. Jo only stopped when she hit the penalty spot; she wanted to make sure she got the best shot that she could. Jules was a master when it came to stopping penalty strokes or flicks, it'd take something special to get one past her today.

'C'mon Jo, this isn't about precision shooting – it's about speed and agility, they don't care if you score as long as your skills and timing are good!' Jules did her best to advise her friend as she waited for her to take her shot 'Besides, you know I'm going to save it!'

Jo knew instinctively that Jules was right, on all counts and so she let rip with a flick shot that twisted slightly to the right, meaning it was heading for Jules' glove side which Jo felt was the weaker of the two sides. The sound of the ball hitting the solid pad of Jules' well-used glove was a bit of a blow to Jo's ego, after all Blair was watching, but she didn't dwell on it as another ball was passed to her by Eleanor which she took the rest of the way through the obstacles, through more domes and cones, passing it through hoops that looked like they'd been taken from the croquet team, over a second cross ladder and back to the start to receive her time.

'Woo hoo! Go Jo!' Blair was thrilled, evidently she felt that Jo had done well and she cheered loudly as her delinquent received her time from Michelle who was all smiles.

'You did good Romeo!' Michelle called to her as she rhymed off her time '3.46, not bad for a Sweeper!'

'And I did it in style 'chelle… don't forget ta take a few seconds off fer that!'

'Hehe I give ya a '1' for style Polniaczek!' called Eleanor holding up an imaginary card for the 'crowd', 'I've never seen ya butcher a skills course like that before!'

'It's one more than you get fer yer passin skills Nora! Looked like ya were passin ta the stands!' Jo called back cheekily.

'Now that hurt Romeo… truly!'

The easy banter from her teammates, the sound of Blair in the stands and the fact that she'd managed the skills course in a respectable time made Jo feel a million times better than she had during warm ups. Maybe going first wasn't such a bad thing after all. She ran up to join the end of the defence line again.

'Nice work Polniaczek… though I'd have thought you'd have scored from that distance!' Coach Turner was impressed, and that made Jo feel even better, if he was happy with that for a start then it would make the rest of the day much easier.

'OK… Aitkins you're up next!'

**…**

'Oh Joey you were fantastic out there today!' Blair, who was waiting in the car park, beamed at the brunette as she emerged from the locker rooms closely followed by Michelle.

'Thanks babe… just gotta wait and see what the board decides…'

'You did good Romeo, you're goin to get that Scholarship, I got a good feelin about it.'

'We'll see 'chelle, there were a lot of good players out there today…'

'None of 'em were a patch on you Romeo, though wouldn't mind seeing some of them coming through the ranks next season.' She checked her watch and gave an apologetic shrug 'I've gotta go, the library's callin my name…'

'You mean Derek the librarian's assistant…'

'What can I say; I have a thing for intelligent men, we all need an incentive to study!'

With that Michelle was running off in the direction of the library leaving Jo and Blair chuckling in her wake. Shifting her hockey bag into her left hand Jo wrapped her arm around Blair's waist, pulling her close and kissing her chastely as they headed for the debutante's Porsche.

'Thanks fer comin ta watch today babe…'

'It was my pleasure Joey… I have a thing for hockey players…'

**…**

'Babe, whose car's that?' Jo asked as she spotted a Rolls Royce sitting on the street outside Edna's Edibles.

'It's my mother's…'

'Damn… I thought she was in France or somethin…'

It had been the excuse Monica had levelled at Blair when she'd finally gotten in touch after the trial of a few weeks before. Blair pulled into the garage, turned the engine off but made no move to open her door. Today had been such a good day, she really didn't want to have to face her mother now.

'Why's she here now?' the blonde's voice was laced with worry.

Jo placed a hand gently on her knee, encouraging her girlfriend to turn to face her. Blair rested her forehead against Jo's taking comfort in the support she found. If she had to face her mother now, at least she'd be doing it with Jo by her side.

'Maybe she's just here ta talk babe… she loves ya and she wants ya happy…'

'I'm not so sure sweetheart, she has a very different idea about what will make me happy, she said some awful things when I spoke to her last week…'

Jo remembered that only too well. She'd come home from training to find Blair in Mrs G's arms crying inconsolably, it had taken her over an hour to get her girlfriend to talk to her about what was bothering her. In some ways she felt that Blair had it worse, Monica was determined to make her see that she'd made a huge mistake and had made it perfectly clear what her feelings were regarding their newfound romance. That had to be hard on her, it was bad enough dealing with Charlie's continued silence, Jo wasn't sure how she'd deal with continual verbalisation of his disapproval.

'It'll be alright baby… if she says anythin ta upset ya we can just ask her ta leave, Mrs G won't let her stay if she's upsettin ya…'

'I suppose we have to face her sometime…'

'We do. Who knows maybe she's changed her mind about us…'

'You didn't hear the things she was saying Jo… she's furious…'

'She has no reason ta be and if she can't see how happy ya are then it ain't our problem, we're in this together right?'

'Always…'

'Then we'll be just fine. I promise.'

Jo's words were the encouragement Blair needed to finally make a move to get out of the car but before she did she had one last concern…

'Promise me you won't lose your temper Joey…'

'I'll try my best not ta babe…'

It was as good as she was going to get and Blair knew that. Jo would never make a promise she couldn't keep.

Monica Warner was sitting at the dining table with her back to them, across from Mrs Garrett who was making small talk with the younger woman while drinking from a china tea cup. Jo had taken hold of Blair's hand as they walked through the front door together and she squeezed it as Monica became aware of their appearance.

'Blair! Darling it's so good to see you…' Monica remained seated but turned slightly, smiling brightly at her daughter making a point to ignore Jo completely.

'Mother… how was your flight?'

'Oh just fine thank you, wait until I tell you about Marco, such a handsome young man and just your type…'

They'd been in the presence of the woman for less than a minute and already Jo could feel her temper boiling… this woman was talking to Blair as if the last six weeks hadn't happened, as if Blair hadn't finally admitted that she was far from the 'boy crazy' young woman that she had always pretended to be. As if they hadn't just been through hell in order to finally be together. As if their love meant absolutely nothing! It was enough to drive Jo insane.

'I'm sure Marco was just lovely but as we've already discussed he's far from my type…'

Monica was on her feet now and as she walked towards them she spoke animatedly, clearly her position on Blair's new romance had not altered since they had last spoken.

'Now Blair, I know you're going through this phase and I can't pretend to understand it but that's all it is, a phase which will pass. I only wish you'd had the common sense to make the whole mess a private affair… God knows the trouble this has caused and of all the people you could have chosen…'

Jo was so furious that she didn't even take in Monica's appearance, she was so focused on stopping the woman's tirade before she made Blair more upset than she already was that she reacted instinctively, raising her voice and preparing for an argument. Blair on the other hand was staring at her mother as if she hadn't heard the last words coming from her mouth, she was too stunned to participate in any argument… she really hadn't seen this coming...

'This ain't no goddamned affair…' Jo's hackles were up but she was stopped short by Blair who tugged at her hand.

'Mother… you're… you're pregnant…'


	2. Conflicted Remembrances

**AN: Hi folks, thank you so much to those of you who have read/reviewed/followed this story so far. I really appreciate all of your support, if it wasn't for that I would never have started this sequel.**

**I must apologise for the long delay in posting this new chapter - I really struggled with Monica as a character and trying to find her voice took a lot of trial and error before I got something that I was happy with. I hope that I've managed to portray her in a believable way that does some justice to her role in Blair's life. The views that she expresses are not mine, nor are they meant to cause offence to anyone, they are merely a possible reaction to discovering and disapproving of the fact that her daughter is a lesbian. If I made everyone accepting and happy there wouldn't be much of a story or at least this would be a very different type of story, one that I'm not sure I'd be the right person to write at this point.**

**The parts written in italics are flashbacks. **

**As usual this is unbeta'd and so any mistakes are my own, I shall fix them as I find them but as always if you see any just let me know and I'll do my best to fix them.**

**Special thanks as always go out to: Ltlconf (for all of your advice and talking me through the possibilities of this story, plus your help in discovering Monica's mind set!), PermanentProblem, ILoveXmas and BlindMoose for listening to me and encouraging me to write this sequel :) **

**I hope that you enjoy reading the chapter,**

**Jaxx**

**...**

**'The memory represents to us not what we choose but what it pleases'**

**Michel de Montaigne**

**…**

**Chapter 2: Conflicted Remembrances.**

**…**

Monica smiled as she placed her hand on the large baby bump affectionately, the glow of pregnancy making her even more beautiful as her cheeks flushed with pleasure at the idea of once again being a mother. Blair was stunned – the last she had heard her mother was divorcing her latest husband, Stanley Hoffman III, and as far as she knew there was no one else. Surely she hadn't been so traumatised by this latest failed marriage that she'd had an affair before the divorce papers were signed? No, if she had done something like that Monica Warner-Hoffman wouldn't have been careless enough to fall pregnant by another man while still married. Especially when that soon to be ex-husband was as powerful as Stanley, her mother was too careful for something like that to have happened. Besides she just wasn't the type to be traumatised by a failed relationship. It wasn't that she was unfeeling, quite the opposite, but that she was pragmatic enough to realise when to make a clean break of things, when to move on to the next best thing. in fact she was always searching for the 'next best thing', even when she seemed happy and secure. It was something she had tried to instil in Blair from an early age but as she had grown up and grown closer to her roommates Blair had come to realise that just wasn't the way she wanted her life to be. She wanted something that her mother had never had and in Jo she believed she had found it at last.

'Yes darling… the baby is due within the month… Stanley is thrilled…'

'How?' then a more pressing question occurred to her 'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Surely the 'how' is no mystery to you Blair… even with this current… miscalculation…' her last comment was delivered in a dismissive tone, she didn't even glance in Jo's direction but it was as much for the brunette's ears as it was for Blair's. Probably more so.

'Mother! I love Jo and she…'

Monica dismissed her daughter's words with a wave of her hand, her dark brown eyes expressing her lack of interest in such protests. They were irrelevant as far as she was concerned, all that mattered was making Blair 'see sense', just as she had years before when her daughter had started having these… odd notions…

'My darling girl, I have no doubt that you believe that you're in love and I pity you for it. The fact of the matter is this – such a relationship is just not possible, it's social suicide. Even putting her gender aside this relationship is doomed to failure. Look at her, at her upbringing… she will never be more than a gang leader, a hooligan, and she has absolutely no prospects. She has nothing to offer you in return for all you'd give. Surely you see that?'

The tone that the older woman used was not unkind, in fact it sounded as if she were merely stating undisputed facts. All the same Jo could feel the fury flaring from deep within her and it took every ounce of her resolve not to lash out – that would be proving Monica right on some level and she wasn't about to lash out at a pregnant woman, regardless of the insults she was throwing around. Jo had never raised her hand to a vulnerable woman in her life and she wasn't about to do so now just because that woman was doing everything she could to belittle her relationship with Blair. It was hard not to respond though; the things that Monica was saying were like a knife being twisted within her very soul. How could Blair's mother think so badly of her? The woman was more than just beautiful, she was strikingly intelligent and cunning – she had pinpointed an area she knew to be Jo's weak spot and was now exploiting it in a cold, calculated way, her silky smooth tone doing little to dull the anguish her words created, waiting to see how far she could push the brunette before she lost it. It was a tactic that Jo knew, in time would be very effective and that scared her more than if the woman before her had come in ready to slug it out. A fist fight Jo could have handled, psychological warfare was something she knew would cause more lasting damage. She had to shake herself out of it, to concentrate on Blair, on their love and the trust they had in one another.

'What Jo has to offer me is more precious than any of your so called prospects, though for your information she has plenty, even if they aren't of value to you, and she certainly isn't a thug, she's a good, kind woman who saved my life or had you forgotten?'

'Whether she's the things you claim makes no difference, it's not my concern, but no I haven't forgotten and I truly am grateful to her for saving you. However you must see that the entire situation was of her creation...'

'You're wrong… it was Brock's doing, not hers…'

Again Monica silenced her daughter with a simple gesture. She wasn't here to debate the petty details. She was more concerned with the consequences, with persuading Blair to come to her senses before it was too late. The fact that her ex-husband was seriously giving the pair his blessing was an unexpected frustration. Ever since the fateful day she'd discovered Blair's secret she'd been certain that if David ever discovered the truth of their daughter's sexuality he'd be as dismayed as she was. She was absolutely convinced that he was only being so accepting in order to take the opposite point of view from her own. Then again he had always doted on Blair, perhaps he was simply being what he assumed was supportive, nothing could be less helpful to their daughter however – they must present a united front and show her how wrong this... lifestyle choice... was before it was too late.

'I have known the Worthington's for years Blair, Brock's father was my beau once upon a time…'

Listening to Monica talking about her as if she wasn't in the room, blaming her for everything that had happened to them, implying that she wasn't good enough and was only out for what she could get, was really getting to Jo. She had expected the woman to unleash her own fury directly whenever their paths finally crossed and had been prepared for the ensuing argument – she had even tried preparing a speech like she'd seen in the movies an 'I may not be what you want for Blair but I love her and she loves me' style speech. She hadn't exactly perfected it but that didn't matter anymore because right now the whole thing went straight out of the nearest window in favour of her own frustration.

'Oh for Christ's sake! Listen ta yerself! You've got no idea what Blair went through!' Not a good start Polniaczek she chided herself, now she'd done it!

The tone of Jo's voice seemed to change something within the older brunette and she turned on the object of her anger, unleashing a cold, calculated tirade, each accusation designed to draw Jo further into open conflict. The trap had been set and Jo couldn't believe she'd allowed herself to fall for it, yet she couldn't help it – she had to stand up for herself, stand up for Blair and all that they meant to one another. She only hoped she could keep her temper from derailing her rational mind any further.

'And you, how could I have been so trusting in your intentions? I thought you merely wanted to be Blair's friend, I had no idea you were seducing her this whole time! If I'd known for one moment of your intentions I'd have moved Blair as far from you as possible!'

'Now wait a minute… ya think that I PLANNED this?'

'That's exactly what I'm saying, you've been seducing Blair from the moment you arrived in Peekskill! Oh God why didn't I realise it before? Of all the schools I could have chosen…' Monica rubbed her temples, the tension of her apparent realisation too much for her to bear.

'Ya think I ain't good enough fer Blair? I love her and unlike yer precious Worthingtons I ain't never done nothin ta hurt her…'

Blair placed her hand on Jo's shoulder in understanding and instantly the former gang leader fell silent. She was so close to losing it completely and saying something she'd regret but Blair's touch calmed her enough to allow her to back down. Blair's own expression remained calm, though her brown eyes were swirling pools of anger, she seemed to be much better at hiding her feelings and Jo knew that she needed to take her girlfriend's lead on this or she'd show herself in a worse light than Monica already saw her in. She'd allowed herself to be trapped into an argument already; she had to avoid making things worse. Knowing it and acting accordingly were two very different things and in honesty she wasn't exactly sure how she could possibly make things worse right now. The entire situation was made more difficult by the fact that Jo had, up until this time, truly believed that Monica liked her – she had always treated her in a friendly manner and though they hadn't exactly spoken much throughout her time in Peekskill she had always thought that Blair's mother respected the effort she'd put in to try and make a better life for herself. Now the woman seemed to regard her with barely concealed disdain. Was it so hard for her to believe that Jo genuinely loved Blair? Did she seriously believe that Jo was simply looking to seduce her daughter for her money? Or was her reaction about more than that? Could it be that, just like Jo's father, Monica just couldn't get over the fact that Blair was a lesbian? It was probably easier to lay the 'blame' for that on Jo's doorstep than to believe that it was true. Thinking of her own father's rejection of her made Jo wince inwardly, it still hurt so much to think that he didn't want anything more to do with her; she really hoped that Blair could work things out with Monica. She knew that losing her mother would be a devastating blow to her girlfriend.

'Perhaps this is a conversation for another time? You need to calm down Monica, you too Jo…' Mrs Garrett had been watching the exchange with nervous apprehension, uncertain of how to stop the worst of it, she was only too aware of Monica's feelings about Blair's new romance and she had tried her best to calm the other woman before her daughter had returned; now she found herself in the unenviable position of referee.

Monica, knowing that to continue now that Mrs Garrett had intervened would not be the best tactic immediately backed down.

'Of course Mrs Garrett, I apologise, this situation is extremely upsetting as you can imagine. I'd like to have some time alone with my daughter, there's much for us to discuss…'

Jo for her part was having a difficult time switching from the anger that coursed through her veins, she was a passionate young woman, used to following through on her feelings of anger or injustice and to refrain from doing so was an alien concept to her. Sure she had grown better able to control her anger in certain situations during her time in Peekskill but this wasn't one of those times. The only thing stopping her from speaking her mind at that moment was Blair; instead Jo put her arm around Blair's waist pulling her closer showing Monica that they were in this together. Blair responded by mirroring her girlfriend's actions.

'Anything you have to say can be said in front of Jo…'

'Perhaps, but it's been so long since we've spent any time together Blair, I've missed you…'

'I've missed you too…'

'Then sit with me a while, just the two of us…'

The tension that had been building seemed to dissipate so suddenly that Jo had a hard time understanding how or why it had happened. Jo's own experience of family disputes was very different, you didn't suddenly stop and decide to spend time together; you fought it out until one of you stormed out, lashed out, or won the argument. This behaviour was distinctly weird, but Blair seemed to understand it and Monica was her mom so who was Jo to say it was weird, even if it was?

Blair looked to her girlfriend uncertain what to do silently asking questions she couldn't give voice to 'should I do as she asks? If I do are you going to be alright?' Blair was making it plain that she wouldn't do anything that would upset her delinquent, not seeking permission but making certain that she wouldn't be doing something to hurt her girlfriend. Jo's anger towards Monica softened as she gazed into Blair's eyes seeking to reassure her debutante 'I won't stop you spending time with your mom, but I'll be right here if you need me.' Monica watched the looks that passed between the two young women with curiosity. They had supposedly been romantically involved, if one could call it that, for only a matter of weeks, how was it then that they had already developed that secret language reserved only for lovers in the most committed of relationships? There was a tenderness in their interactions that she had seen on only the rarest if occasions. It was unsettling and she realised that a part of her envied her daughter. No that was nonsense she must stop thinking of them in such a context, she couldn't accept that they were 'together' it just wasn't right.

'I'll be in the kitchen with Mrs G if ya need me babe…' Jo released her hold of the blonde but not before placing a brief, reassuring, kiss upon her lips, for her part Blair would have liked to return the kiss with more fervour but now wasn't the time – her mother would lose it completely and that would help no one.

Blair nodded, squeezing Jo's hand before reluctantly letting go and turning to her mother, whose eyes had widened at the sight of their kiss, gesturing to the couch. Monica snapped out of her apparent trance and placed her hand at the small of her daughter's back. As much a gesture of possession as it was a gesture of love – a warning to Jo which the Bronx native didn't miss.

**…**

'I can't believe she just showed up like that! Not a goddamned word throughout the whole damn trial and then suddenly she's here tellin us the whole thing was my fault!' Jo was trying to remain calm, she was trying not to raise her voice – she didn't want Monica to hear that she was rattled.

The former Young Diablo was pacing the kitchen frantically, her hands animated in her frustration. Today had been such a good day, now she feared she would lose Blair to Monica's persuasive ways. God how she wished she knew what they were talking about. She wished she'd insisted they stop at the Chug a Lug or something. Anything to have avoided a confrontation with Blair's formidable, sophisticated, terrifyingly persuasive mother. Then again they had known that this conversation would have to take place eventually. Jo knew how painful it was to lose a parent, she didn't want Blair to go through that… but at the same time she didn't want to lose Blair. She knew this was stupid, irrational, Blair had no intention of giving up on the love they shared, but part of her was convinced that Monica would be just persuasive enough.

'Calm down Jo, and please don't swear…'

'I'm sorry Mrs G.' Jo stopped pacing and had the good sense to look sorry even under the circumstances; she knew Mrs Garrett disapproved of swearing regardless of the situation. 'But she's in there right now convincing Blair that I ain't good enough fer her…'

'She can try all she likes to convince Blair of that, but in the end it's Blair's choice…'

'But what if she does?'

'Oh Jo, honey… she won't… Blair loves you.'

'I know she does Mrs G… but…'

'Now you stop right there. If your father had turned up here today instead of Monica would he have any chance of convincing you to stop loving Blair?'

'Of course not! Blair's the best thing that ever happened ta me…'

'Then have more faith in Blair's love for you, she's stood by you through the darkest time in your lives why would she suddenly stop loving you?'

Jo knew that her friend and mentor was right, but that didn't stop her from being afraid of losing Blair. In her heart she knew that the blonde debutante loved her and God knew how much she loved Blair but there were still those nagging doubts, the tangible fear that things would go wrong, that she wasn't good enough for someone like Blair. She knew she would have to get past that doubt for it was that doubt that Monica could use to her advantage.

'Now, sit down and tell me how the trials went today…'

**…**

As soon as Jo had left the room with Mrs Garrett Blair noticed her mother looked much more relaxed and seemed pleased to spend some time together, updating her on all of the things that she had seen and the people she had met while in France. It was good to see her and Blair easily fell into their old routine of chatting amiably about 'society' while drinking the tea that Mrs Garrett had left them. It was comfortingly familiar, even down to her mother's chat about men she had met. Blair was only too aware that this harmony between them couldn't last long, not when her mother was so intent on forcing her to 'see sense' as she had put it in a recent phone call. The conversation of minutes ago had been difficult, painful and Blair knew that 'spending time together' was a ploy on her mother's part to get her alone - the subject of Jo's unsuitability, of the unsuitability of Blair herself being a lesbian wasn't going to be far away. There was something else too, something that Blair couldn't stop thinking about, an issue that had burned in her heart since the very moment that she'd found that not only was her father accepting of her relationship with Jo but that he didn't seem to have a problem with his daughter being a lesbian at all. The more she thought about it the more she had to know why her mother had lied to her all those years ago, why had she made her go through this charade of 'boy crazy Blair' – the charade had been torturous and it had almost lost her Jo.

'You told me Daddy would hate me…'

Monica immediately stopped drinking her tea and placed the cup and saucer back onto the coffee table, fussing with her short hair before turning on the sofa so she could face Blair properly. She didn't answer right away, she'd known that her daughter would begin asking questions the moment she'd heard that David had given his 'blessing' to this ridiculous affair! That didn't mean that she was prepared for the wounded look in her daughter's eyes. She had, despite how it appeared, never intended to hurt Blair. She simply wanted to protect her, to do what was 'best' for her. Living her life as a lesbian in a society such as theirs just wasn't what was best. How could it be?

'You were about to throw your life away and I couldn't allow that… you're doing the same thing now…'

'I'm not throwing my life away, Jo makes me happy and I love her…'

'You thought you were in love with Amber Coleman too…'

Hearing the name was enough to send Blair reeling for a moment; she'd done everything she could to avoid thinking of the girl she hadn't seen in seven years. It wasn't until she had met Jo that her broken heart had begun to mend.

'That was different… I was only fourteen and she wasn't Jo…'

**…**

_It was the last day of the semester, the sudden summer rain made both girls giggle as they ran to the shelter of the nearest tree. They could hear the honey sweet voice of the headmistress as she addressed the graduating class in front of their parents. Blair briefly wondered what her own high school graduation would be like, she was getting good grades and she was sure to make Valedictorian. _

_Amber held her hand tightly as they ran and Blair found she couldn't stop smiling at how perfect the day had been so far, with the teachers and other students distracted by graduation they had found themselves free to do whatever they wanted. It was a liberating feeling. Neither of them had siblings in the graduating class and so they were exempt from attending, instead they had been instructed to spend their day packing in preparation for the long journey to their respective homes but it was summer and packing could wait. They wanted to spend their last day together._

_She had never met anyone like Amber Coleman, she was a year older than Blair, her raven hair and dark blue eyes dazzled, her wit and easy going nature drew people to her, yet there was something else that drew Blair. Something she simply couldn't explain. At first she'd thought that, just like everyone else she'd been drawn to Amber because of her charm, but that wasn't it at all. Blair had met many charming girls in her time at boarding school, so many in fact that their charms melded into one so that they seemed to be almost the same girl, and in her experience she had never met anyone who captivated her in quite this way. Her stomach did a little flip just thinking about her, the sound of her name made her smile and she found herself making excuses to spend time with her, which had never happened with anyone else. Never. She blushed at the thought, hoping that her best friend would think that her cheeks were flushed from a mixture of the rain and the short run. But Amber knew her better than that. They had been roommates since Blair's arrival at New Year and she marvelled at how close they had become in that time. She had never cared for anyone the way she cared for this girl in her whole life. She was truly beautiful._

'_What're you thinking about Blair?'_

'_Nothing…'_

'_It's ok, you can tell me…' Amber was thoughtful for a moment before she added 'I promise I won't tell anyone else.'_

'_It's not important. Believe me.'_

_Again the raven haired girl seemed thoughtful, as though she had something important on her mind but wasn't sure how to say it or even if she should. They were standing under the tree now and somehow Amber had slipped her arms around Blair's waist, pulling her close. Blair could think of nowhere she would rather be as she leaned into her friend's embrace. She found herself gazing, not for the first time into dark blue eyes and was mesmerised by the intensity of the gaze which mirrored her own. Her heart was thudding in her chest, her mouth felt dry, she placed her own arms around the girl who had become her most trusted friend and it felt unbelievably right._

_I don't want to go home…'_

'_I know what you mean… I don't know what I'll do without you…'_

'_You'll always have me Blair, no matter what…' _

_Amber was slightly taller but she closed the distance between them with surprising swiftness as she placed a gentle kiss on Blair's lips. The kiss was chaste but Blair knew that her friend was testing her, trying to gauge whether she had imagined their growing closeness over the last few months. Her heart soared with the sudden realisation that she hadn't been alone, that the feelings she'd been hiding for so long were reciprocated. It was more than she'd dared hope._

'_I'm sorry… I shouldn't have done that…' Amber's voice was husky as she made to step back, looking into Blair's eyes to seek answers to the questions her heart desperately asked._

_Blair shook her head, unable to form words of her own and for a moment she could see the disappointment in expressive blue, then she reached up and kissed her for all she was worth. She had never kissed anyone with such passion, such need, but she had to make Amber understand how she felt. _

**…**

The memory of that first kiss made Blair shiver, it felt so vivid, so real but then so did the bitterness of losing the girl her mother had made her give up. Within weeks Monica had discovered the truth of their fledgling relationship reacting with a fury the likes of which she had never seen before or since. At the end of the longest, most despairing, summer she'd experienced since her parent's divorce she had been packed off to Eastland despite begging to be sent back to her former school. Upon arriving in Peekskill Blair had been an emotional wreck, trying to hide her distress behind a façade of rebellion which had forced her into the 'wrong crowd' for a time before Mrs Garrett had taken her under her wing. The ultimatum her mother had given had been devastating, she'd been forced to become 'boy crazy Blair Warner' to behave otherwise would, her mother warned, mean losing everything she held dear. Convinced that her father would disinherit her the second he discovered the truth Blair had created a persona that had everybody fooled. It had even fooled Jo to the point that she had almost lost her. Knowing now that her father wouldn't have disowned her made it all the more bitter, yet she couldn't help feeling fortunate – if she'd stayed with Amber, she wouldn't have gone to Eastland and if she hadn't been at Eastland she would never have met Jo. She wondered if Amber had been lucky enough to find her own soul mate… Lost in her own thoughts it took her a few moments to realise that her mother was speaking rather animatedly to her.

'Now sweetheart I don't mean to be indelicate but you've been sharing a room this whole time…Oh my darling please tell me you haven't done anything reckless!' the implication was clear and the older woman's hands went to her face in disgust, as if she couldn't stomach the images that her thoughts had conjured.

'We only started seeing one another recently… Jo and I haven't…' Blair blushed without saying another word but she kept her eyes focused on her mother.

It was true, much as they wanted to; they hadn't had the courage or indeed the opportunity to take that final step in their relationship, not yet. They wanted their first time together to be special, they had been dreaming of being together for so long that they wanted everything to be perfect. They were still sharing a room with Natalie and Tootie meaning their time together was far from private. Not that she was about to explain that to her mother, not with her spouting her irrational poison, baiting Jo and trying to rattle them both. Besides it really wasn't anyone's business but theirs. She knew that when they were ready to take that final step it would be well worth the wait. She couldn't imagine taking that step with anyone but Jo.

The look on Monica's face was one of sheer relief, as if one of her greatest fears had been washed away and now looked harmless. She realised that her fears had been ridiculously unfounded – Mrs Garrett was a good guardian to her daughter after all and there was no reason to think that she would have stood for anything… untoward… happening under her own roof.

'You can't possibly love her my darling, not in 'that' way… just like you didn't really love Amber… Jo's your friend, your best friend and I understand how close you are to her but it's not the same as being in love with her…'

'Why can't you accept me as I am?' Blair's frustration with her mother's medieval attitude made her weary.

'Because in our world being as different as you seem to believe you are destroys a person… I can't allow you to throw everything our family has worked for away…'

'So that's it? It's all about YOUR reputation? If Jo were a man you wouldn't have an issue with it?'

'I'd have less of an issue darling but let's be honest, even if Jo were a man what could someone like her possibly offer you? When you graduate from Langley you will be able to do anything your heart desires – travel the world, go on to a prestigious Law School, you're the heiress to Warner Industries, you have the intelligence, the drive, the social standing and the money to succeed at anything you turn your hand to. What will Jo have? She'll have a degree earned from a prestigious College, and for that I must admire her, but what will she do afterwards? She'll still be the penniless, thug from the Bronx and there are only so many doors open to her. If she's with you however, more doors will open…'

'If you think that Jo is using me you couldn't be more wrong!' Blair was on her feet now, her mother had gone too far.

'Blair…'

'I don't want to talk about this anymore; I won't have you speaking about Jo in that way.'

'I'm simply trying to make you see how this appears to outsiders…'

'So you don't believe it?'

Monica hesitated just a little too long and Blair instantly knew the answer.

'That's what I thought. It was lovely to see you mother, but if you'll excuse me I have an assignment due on Monday and Jo promised she'd help me with it. Goodnight…'

The affectionate tone she always reserved for her mother had been replaced by sheer ice as she kissed her cheek, more out of duty than anything else and then headed straight for the kitchen without another word, leaving Monica stunned. This was going to be much harder than she'd thought. If only her daughter were fourteen again, then things would be much simpler.


End file.
